


And We'd Both Stay Up Till the Morning Light

by Bluehaven4220



Series: Ray and Jenna: That's Just Buddies [1]
Category: due South
Genre: Aftercare, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Time, Friends With Benefits, Loss of Virginity, Masturbation, Multiple Orgasms, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Ray is a good friend, Self Confidence Issues, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 16:35:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5055913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluehaven4220/pseuds/Bluehaven4220
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who knew that a meltdown in the station break room could lead to this?</p>
            </blockquote>





	And We'd Both Stay Up Till the Morning Light

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally part of a story I'd written for a completely different fandom, and had also published it in said fandom on a different fan fiction site, but I wanted to see how it would do as a RayK/OFC story. I love how it turned out. To warn you, this is a lot darker than anything I've posted here before, but I really hope you like it. Please feel free to comment, the door is always open.

Stopping in her tracks, it was like she was fourteen years old again.

She could still feel Robbie’s body weight pinning her down to the ground, the shame she’d felt afterward, the thought that she’d provoked him, and therefore deserved what he’d done to her. The smell of his sweat and dirty fingers crawling all over her skin....

It was then she felt a tear fall and land on her blouse, and muffled a strangled cry emitting from the back of her throat. She knew she had to cry, she knew it, but she wasn’t about to, not with an entire station full of people in such close proximity. Composing herself, she shook her head, and went to the break room in search of a mug of tea.

**ooOoo**

“Hey Frannie!” Ray came back through the bullpen toward her desk, a file in his hand. “Thank you could run these prints for me?”

“Whatcha got?” she took it from him, glanced at the pages. “Well you should give these to Jenna, not me.” Frannie rolled her eyes and handed it back. “She’ll be taking over soon. Best you get used to her.”

“Yeah, thanks,” he answered, never mind that he had recommended her for the job that would be coming up while Frannie was on maternity leave. “Where is she?”

“She’s in the break room.”

“Break room?” he muttered.

“You know that little room with the coffee pot?” Frannie rolled her eyes. “That room.”

“Right,” he lifted the file in a half salute and made his way back there. Sighing, he pushed through the doors. He made his way through to the back, following the sound of footsteps and movement. He would assume that he was hearing Jenna, and hopefully have enough time to give her the file and get out before using up a large amount of time. Welsh wanted him for more assignments than there were days in the week, and it only seemed plausible to get this out of the way as quickly as possible.

“Jenna?”

He heard something fall and smash to the floor.

“Damn it!”

Ray followed the noise to find Jenna on her knees trying to pick up the pieces of what looked like a mug.

“It’s my fault!” she muttered to herself, not acknowledging his presence at all.

“Sorry?” he stopped and looked back at her.

“It’s my fault!” she repeated.

He set the file down on the table, sank to his knees, and pulled her close.

“Shh… accidents happen,” he whispered to her.

Jenna turned her head and looked at him.

“What are you talking about?”

“What are you…” then it dawned on him. She wasn’t talking about the broken mug, but something else entirely.

“I should have fought back!” Jenna crumpled against him. “I should have fought back, and I didn’t…” she sobbed. “I didn’t!” she landed her fist into his shoulder.

“Easy Jenna, it’s alright.”

“No it’s not!” she punctuated each word with a punch to his chest. “It’s _not_ alright! I didn’t fight back when I should have.”

He realized he didn’t quite know what she was talking about, but he needed to pretend. Lucky for them, the room was quiet. “How would you have fought back? Show me.”

Jenna’s entire body shook at a loss for words. Oh if she could have, she would have beaten the bastard within an inch of his life, she would have wrapped an arm around his neck and squeezed the very breath out of him… there were so many other inhumane things she would have liked to torture one Robert Campbell with, had she had the opportunity.

“You don’t know,” Ray answered for her. He wasn’t meaning it to be rude, rather a statement. “You don’t have it in you to hurt anyone, Jenna.”

“Then I’m a coward.”

Ray grit his teeth, gently cradled her face in his hands, and locked eyes with her.

“It was not your fault,” he insisted again. “You were not in the wrong.”

She hung her head, casting her eyes to the floor.

“No, you look at me, Jenna.” It was not a request, but a demand. “You are not a coward. Don’t you _ever_ believe yourself to be a coward. You are brilliant.”

“It hurts…” she choked.

“I know it hurts,” he answered, kissing her forehead. “And that’s okay. It’s okay to feel hurt.”

He held her till she stopped shaking, all the while listening to her story that he already knew so well. She’d only recently moved back to Chicago after being away, and while she had no regrets about doing so, she had no place to live and still felt horribly alone, sleeping in a hotel she couldn’t afford.

“You could come and stay with me,” he offered.

Jenna looked at him as though he’d turned purple.

“Pardon?”

“You can’t very well live at the 2-7, Jenna, and why waste money? I have the space.”

“Oh I don’t know…”

“Well you don’t have to answer right away. It’s only an offer.”

“Thank you very much…” she fished in her skirt pocket for a handkerchief or a tissue, and finding none, slumped her shoulders and sighed.

“Here,” Ray pulled a clean tissue from his own pocket and handed it to her. She dabbed her eyes and blew her nose, tossing it in the garbage can under the table.

The two of them stood up together and walked back toward the bullpen, Jenna much more composed and Ray’s arm around her shoulder.

“There you are…” Welsh stopped, taking in the sight of the two of them. “Everything alright?”

“Yes sir,” Jenna nodded. “I’ll think about it, alright?”

“Please do,” Ray smiled at her and went on his way.

**ooOoo**

It wasn’t long before Jenna had accepted the offer, and had established herself as a welcome presence in Ray Kowalski’s apartment. While it wasn’t an ideal situation with Ray sleeping on the couch every night, neither had the desire to change their present living situation. Frankly, they enjoyed each other’s company more than either cared to admit.

Three months in, Ray had developed a crick in his neck, and asked if he could have his bed back.

“Then where will I sleep?”

“You don’t have to move.”

“Excuse me?”

“The bed’s big enough. We can share if you like.”

Jenna raised an eyebrow. “As long as you stay on your side of the bed.”

Ray raised two fingers. “Boy Scout's honour.”

“Fine.”

He slid into bed beside her, the two of them falling asleep almost instantly.

Later that night, he felt her move and place her hands on his back.

“My god, your hands are cold!”

“Hmm?” she lifted her head, groggy. “Oh sorry.”

“I could warm them for you, if that’s alright?”

“Uh huh,” she mumbled.

Ray wrapped his arms around her torso, and pulled her toward him. It was funny how the contours of her body fit so naturally with his. If she weren’t asleep he’d…

She sighed, her chest heaving once.

“Better?” he whispered to her.

She moaned in response and fell back asleep.

A few hours later, he felt her stir.

“Oh, hello.”

“Hello.”

“Ray, why are you holding me?”

“You were shivering.”

“You could’ve have gotten an extra blanket.”

“You didn’t want one,” he reasoned. And it was true, she hadn’t. Of course, he couldn’t remember whether he had asked her if she did or not, but no matter.

“I didn’t?”

“No.”

“Oh,” she turned over to face him, still wrapped in his arms.  “Do we have to get up?”

“Not if you don’t want to,” he answered. Welsh had given them both the day off, and a warm bed is often too comfortable to get out of if it’s not absolutely necessary.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

“I don’t want to.”

Ray smiled. “Alright, we’ll stay in here just a while longer.”

They settled down together again, and said nothing for a good five minutes. They laid down listening to the sounds of the apartment. The coffee maker dripped steadily, the refrigerator hummed quietly, and suddenly a crashing sound.

“Ugh!” Jenna buried her face in Ray’s chest. “Make it stop. They’re _so noisy_ , and so early in the morning!”

“I thought you were used to noise.”

“Yes, but I like the quiet.”

Ray put a finger to her lips and captured her hand in his. He lifted her hand and planted a soft kiss to her knuckles.

She smiled. “Really?”

“Just working my way up,” he grinned, kissing her bare shoulder, then her neck. She gasped just before he captured her lips in a kiss that set her nerves on fire. Suddenly feeling very brave, she pulled him on top of her, startling them both.

“So, what was it that you wanted?” he smirked.

“You,” she answered simply. “I want you.”

Ray touched his forehead to hers. “No. Not yet.”

“Why not? Don’t you want me?”

“Very much so, Jenna. But it’s too soon.”

She sighed, and simply stared at him. He was lying on top of her, she was asking him for sex… what the hell were they doing? Despite their friendship, she hadn’t thought of the possibility of them sleeping in the same room alone together, never mind sharing a bed. Granted, he was very warm, and solid. Hell, she didn’t need a blanket if he could be there all day.

“What if I asked you again, in another month’s time?”

“We’ll have to see what happens then, won’t we?” he grinned, kissing her softly again. “Are you warm enough?”

“Well I wouldn’t object to you staying right where you are.”

He rolled off of her.

“Oh that’s mean!” she pouted.

He rolled out of bed and straightened the shirt he’d worn to sleep the night before. Glancing at the clock, he grinned at her. With her hair hanging loose over the pillow and her big blue eyes staring back at him half-lidded, as though she were still waking up, he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen anyone so gorgeous in all his life. 

She’d absolutely captivated him, and in all honesty, it wasn’t that he didn’t want her, he just didn’t want to scare her. True, she’d asked him herself, not vice versa, but it was important that they knew each other longer, knew more about each other before anything more happened between them.

“So, uh, you wanna tell me what happened yesterday? Why you were so upset?”

“Are you sure you want to hear it?”

He nodded.

“Alright then,” she turned over and rested her head on her hand, her elbow against the mattress.

“I was nearly raped when I was fourteen years old.”

Ray bolted upward, his back almost completely straight against the headboard.

“What?” he turned over on his side and mimicked her exact position on the bed. “What happened when you were fourteen?”

“I was nearly raped.”

“By whom?”

“His name was Robbie. He was one of my father’s tenants. My parents had a full working farm just outside the city, and needed people to help run it. Sometimes they took on extra summer help, and he was one of them.”

Ray shifted uncomfortably. “What did he do?”

“He’d had his eye on me since he started working and kept making untoward advances toward me. Every other day he’d ask me for a kiss, or something equally unappetizing. Trust me, I had no interest in him. Frankly he made my skin crawl. Something about him was just… off.” It seemed as though she were trying to weave six stories into one, hence the extremely short sentences and harried expression in her eyes. “Eventually I got tired of it and told him in a very unladylike way to leave me be. I think the words “Fuck off and die” were used in there somewhere…” she took a deep breath. “Then he started to chase me through the horse paddock and into the hay field, and wouldn’t you know it, I tripped over a hay bale. Of all things, a damn hay bale.” There was a small tear gathering in the corner of her eye. “He threw himself on top of me and pinned me to the ground. Then he stuck his hand down my pants and…”

“You tried to fight him off?”

“Oh yeah, Ray, of course I did, but no one heard me,” her voice was shaking beyond all recognition. “He touched me till I…” she couldn’t bring herself to say it. “And then he left me there alone. Once he left I got up, walked back to the house and didn’t say a word about it for a week.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because I thought it was my fault,” she whimpered, sheer defeat in her voice. “That I’d done something to provoke him.”

Ray sighed, hanging his head for just a brief second. He knew how common it was for victims of sexual assault and interference to blame themselves, and Jenna was, unfortunately, no different in that sense.

“I mean, I understand now that I did nothing to provoke him, and he did it just to hold some sort of power over me, because I didn’t want him. I got counseling for it, and he went to prison, well, juvie since he was sixteen and I was fourteen, but sometimes it still sneaks up on me…”

“I get it…” Ray shifted over and ran a finger down her cheek. “There’s no time limit on this at all. You still have a right to feel angry about it.”

“But I don’t want to be,” she admitted. “I want to move on and forget it ever happened. He’s dead, I’m not, that’s all there is to it.”

“Do you know he’s dead?”

“I found his obituary in the paper last year,” she explained. “My mom and dad still get the paper, and they would sometimes send it to me. They thought this one would be particularly interesting. No idea why, there wasn’t anything remarkable about it, until I read to the end of it, and there it was. Robert Campbell, age 29, died of a drug overdose.”

He nodded, inching himself closer.

She didn’t resist when he pulled her close and hugged her tight.

“Right…” she cleared her throat and turned over, her back to him. “I think I’m going to go back to sleep. Is that alright with you?” 

“Don’t let me stop you,” he got out of bed and went toward the door. “I’m gonna go make a coffee. If you need anything, you just holler.”

“Will do. Thank you Ray,” she settled herself back in.

He closed the door behind him and headed toward the kitchen.                                     

**ooOoo**

After her confession, neither of them acknowledged it out loud, but it had changed something between them. While they still shared a bedroom as well as a common living space, they stepped around each other whenever they passed in the hallway, pushing each other out of the way in the bathroom. In truth, it seemed as though they were on completely different planets.

Finally, after a month of the same routine, Jenna decided drastic action was needed. It ate at her until finally the two of them had another day off, which, incidentally, coincided with her birthday, the 17th of April.

“We need to talk,” she insisted.

**ooOoo**

Ray sat down across the table from her. “Fine. Seems like a good idea.”

“Never mind good idea, we honestly need to talk.”

“Go on, I’m listening,” he answered, making an invitation with his fingers.

Jenna leaned back in her chair, clasping the sides of her head as though she had a headache. “Look, we’ve been dancing around each other for a month, and we’re both too stubborn to admit something’s wrong. What is it?”

“I don’t understand…”

“Yes you do, Ray, there’s so much tension between us I could slice a knife through it.”

“Still, I don’t see what that has to do with either of us being stubborn…”

“It has everything to do with us being stubborn,” Jenna protested. “Look, I know it happened a month ago, and I never apologized for throwing myself at you, or telling you what happened between Campbell and I, that morning where you said I hadn’t wanted a blanket?”

“You don’t need to apologize for that,” Ray answered.

“Yes, I do,” she insisted. “Because those two things were the catalyst for this entire month of us not speaking to each other, and that’s not good for anyone. If we’re not speaking more than we have to, it starts to affect how we work together and our personal relationship, and then everyone gets suspicious. So, again, I must tell you, I’m really sorry.”

He smiled, putting his hand over hers. “You don’t need to worry about it, Jenna.”

She smiled back at him. “You know, I think this is the longest conversation we’ve had in over a month.”

He chuckled gravely.

“And there was one other thing I wanted to ask you.” Jenna swallowed, wishing that she had a very large glass of water within her reach. “Is there something I can do in return for you letting me stay here?”

“No,” he answered. “I’m more than happy to help a friend, especially when they really need it.”

“I know, you’ve told me that before, but I really do want to pay you back, and I have nothing else…”

Suddenly he realized what she was talking about.

“There’s really no need to pay me back…”

“But…”

“I’m very flattered, Jenna, but I don’t want you to use it as a way of paying me back for anything.”

“Well that’s all very well and good, Ray, but…” she took a deep breath. “There’s no politically correct way to say this so I’ll just go ahead and say it. I really do like you, and I want to go to bed with you.”

Ray’s eyes went wide.

“You’re sure, Jenna?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life.”

It was Ray’s turn to swallow. “I don’t want you to look back on it and regret your decision. I’ll ask you again, Jenna, are you absolutely sure?”

“Yes.”

He gripped her hand, stood up with her, and led her toward their bedroom. Suddenly that short walk seemed so much longer and less reassuring than it had ever been. She was nervous, absolutely, but at the same time everything about it felt right.

They sat down on the bed beside one another, Ray still holding her hands tightly in his. It certainly seemed as though they were each other’s lifeline. But it didn’t make any sense, why would he be scared of her? Surely he was the more experienced one…

Of course!

He didn’t want to rush her, so he was holding her hands, waiting until she told him it was all right for him to continue.

“Would you kiss me?” she asked, sounding braver than she actually felt.

Ray leaned in, touched his forehead to hers, and softly nipped at her lip. “You know you have the right to say stop.”

“I don’t want you to stop,” she breathed, silently begging him to kiss her again. He obliged, letting go of her hand and running his palm up her thigh, traveling to her waist and making his way to the side of her breast.

She stayed his hand as he moved to cup the flesh, breaking the kiss.

“What is it?”

Jenna cast her eyes toward the floor, suddenly embarrassed.

“You don’t need to be embarrassed, Jenna, what is it?” his eyes were full of concern.

“It’s just… I’ve never…”

“Are you scared of what I’ll say?”

She nodded. Truth be told she’d always been self-conscious in regards to her breasts. She’d always feared that whomever she got in bed with first would see the scars. After that accident where she’d been trampled by the horses stampeding out of the field at the age of four, the surgeon had had to make an incision in her chest to relieve the water build up that had settled there, they said. Once it had all been drained it left her with a scar across her left breast, which was where Ray’s hand had drifted.

“They’re not normal,” she whispered.

“How do you mean? Everyone is different.”

She turned her back to him, freeing her hands and bringing her shirt over her head. Once that was out of the way, she gathered her hair to one side, allowing Ray to unclasp her bra, sliding it down her arms and letting it fall to the bed.

Her arms instinctively went across her chest as she felt Ray lean forward and place a kiss to her right shoulder.

She felt goose bumps erupt, still not allowing her arms to fall.

“If you don’t want me to see, Jenna, I won’t look,” Ray reached around and put his hands over hers. “But may I?”

“Um….”

“Just once,” he breathed, keeping his hands over hers as he waited for her answer.

She dropped her hands as Ray’s moved to her breasts, softly trailing over her nipples, hardening into peaks at his touch, cupping each gently in his hands, massaging only for a moment.

Jenna moaned, still unsure what to do with her own hands. But… her brain was telling her to reach behind her, and she did, resting her hands on the back of his neck.

“You’re perfect, Jenna,” he whispered in her ear.

She blushed.

“Can I turn around?” she asked, suddenly wanting more contact than she’d been allowed previously. Something told her she wanted Ray out of his shirt, it was unfair that he should still be wearing his if he were massaging her bare breasts, though she wouldn’t deny it felt wonderful.

Once she had turned around, she set to undoing the buttons on Ray’s shirt. Even with her hands shaking, she wanted him out of the garment as quickly as was humanly possible.

She succeeded, and sat marveling at how well defined he was. She locked eyes with him for only a moment, looking for the reassurance that what she was doing was right.

He nodded.

Jenna leaned in and kissed his chest once. He tasted of salt, sweat, and anticipation, but it wasn’t unwelcome. She wanted more, much more, but where to go from here?

His belt! Something in the back of her brain told her to reach for his belt, and when she did, he didn’t hesitate in pulling on the leather to release it, and allowing her to set to work on his zipper and buttons.

“Easy Jenna,” he closed his eyes for a moment, marveling in the feeling of rough and stiff jeans giving way, leaving him in boxer shorts.

Once Jenna had finished, she sat staring at him, completely unsure of what to do next. Her arms seemed to work on their own, pulling him toward her and allowing him to work on her black cotton pants. She heard herself inhale sharply as his fingers worked around the waistband, sliding them down and off completely, now leaving her in her panties.

She crooked her finger at him twice, laying back on the bed, her brain was telling her this was right. He wouldn’t hurt her, and even if he did she wouldn’t mind.

Goosebumps erupted across her skin once again as Ray crawled up the bed, gently placed himself on top of her, kissing her thoroughly. Even when she reached for the waistband on his boxer shorts, he kept his attention focused on her.

When her fingers brushed against him, she gasped.

He stopped once he heard her, looking down to see a slight tinge of fear in her eyes.

“How… how are you going to…”

He smiled at her, explaining carefully that her body would allow him to fit, only if he prepared her properly, if she would allow him to. He reached down, sliding her panties off, and stopping before doing anything else.

“Could I… touch you?” she was almost embarrassed to ask.

“Go ahead,” he whispered, kissing her cheek and rolling over on to his side to allow easier access.

Jenna was sure her clumsy touches and explorations would certainly make her look silly, but she didn’t know what else to do. She very lightly ran her fingers along his length, felt his response, and surprised, stopped and stared.

“Is it going to hurt?”

She saw his expression change, as though he'd suddenly realized why she was asking him these questions.

“Jenna, are you…”

She said nothing, closing her eyes and starting to roll over.

“No, don’t worry,” he took her in his arms. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, even if it is a little daunting the first time. I’m going to be as gentle as I can.”

She found herself repeating the question, asking if it would hurt.

“Not if I take the time to prepare you, and even then it’ll only be like this,” he pinched the fleshy part of her forearm. “And only for a moment or two, it will pass quickly.”

Suddenly Jenna Collins felt safer than she’d ever felt in Ray’s arms. He was going to make sure she was ready, and wouldn’t do anything until she said it was alright. She moaned as Ray slipped a finger into her, arching as he massaged. This felt much better than what Robbie had done to her. Ray’s touch was soft and reassuring, slow and skilled as her body acclimatized to his fingers.

And so was his tongue, she marveled as he kissed his way down her thigh and set to work between her legs, gently licking and sucking, moaning against her flesh.

“Yes…” she breathed, wanting more, arching her hips off the bed and grinding against his mouth. “Yes. More...” she clutched at the bed sheets, needing something to hold on to. “Please… no more waiting.”

She felt Ray move and place a kiss on her stomach, just above her sex.

“You’re sure you’re ready?”

She couldn’t force herself to form more than two words that sounded odd coming out of her mouth. She was sure she’d said ‘yes’ and ‘more’ and perhaps even ‘want you’.

Jenna felt Ray enter her completely, and heard a faint pop.

Her eyes pinched shut, pulling him toward her, keeping him close and making him stop. Holy God, even if he _had_ warned her, she wasn’t expecting it to pinch that much. He wasn’t hurting her, whispering for her to stay still, because it would pass soon.

And he was right. Soon, instead of pain she felt almost pleasantly numb, enjoying the feeling of being so close to Ray. He was whispering to her, but she wasn’t sure what he was saying; it all sounded muffled.

But then he was moving. Jenna felt him rock his hips back and forth gently, filling her completely. There were no words to describe the sensation; it was almost as though she were melting into the mattress, but all she could think about was the coil of heat tightening in her belly.

“Ray, I can…” and she arched, moaning as the coil in her belly exploded, sending heat from her core right through to her fingertips and toes. Was _this_ what an orgasm was supposed to feel like? Such joy and pleasure and the utter sense of completion? Her legs had turned to jelly, her vision blurry, like she couldn’t focus on any one thing, including Ray.

With electricity still pumping through her veins, she could feel Ray moving, still rocking gently, until he twitched inside her, utterly lost just as she had been. In truth she’d never seen a man orgasm before, and although it didn’t look painful, it certainly sounded like it was. 

Once he rolled off of her, she curled into his side, shaking.

“Easy… easy…” he whispered, running a hand up and down her arms and over her bare back. He pulled the blanket back up over the both of them, cuddling her close. “It’s alright, Jenna. You did so good.”

She curled further into him, throwing her leg over his hip, trying to get closer.

When she finally settled, she drummed her fingers on his chest, drawing circles.

“Thank you…” she whispered.

**ooOoo**

He kissed her hair, unwrapped himself from her and went out toward the linen closet. When he returned, he had a fresh washcloth in his hand.   

He said nothing as she watched him go to the sink in the bathroom just across the hall, wet the cloth with warm water, and ring it out. He returned to the end of the bed where she had kicked the blankets off, cloth held to her line of vision in supplication. Waited as she lifted her head slightly to gauge what he was doing. He then climbed up the mattress to her, and pressed two fingers to her thigh.

No sharp intake of breath, just a sigh.

He accepted this sound as permission, placed the warm, damp cloth near her knee, and set to his work. Moved the fabric over her inner thigh, cleaning her up, not saying a word. He gave the same attention to the other side, stopping before reaching between her legs.

It was then she reached down and grabbed his free hand, brought him up beside her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He stopped, utterly confused.

“I’ve just gotten blood all over your sheets,” she turned from him.

“Hey… hey…” he soothed her, running a knuckle over her cheek. “That’s okay. Really. Sheets can be washed.” He kissed her cheek and put a hand on her shoulder. “It okay if I finish cleaning you up?”

She rolled over onto her back again and brought her knees up, leaving herself open and vulnerable.

He ran the washcloth between her legs, soothing sore and aching tissue. Ray was whispering comforting nonsense through the fog in her head, she could almost swear it.

Suddenly, his ministrations were almost too much, her thighs clamping down over his hand, trapping the washcloth as well.

She moaned, unable to stop herself.

Ray only nodded, quietly urging her thighs apart and rescuing the washcloth. He took it back out of the room, rinsed it clean, and threw it in the laundry basket. He returned to the bed, settling back down beside her, careful to avoid the wet spot, and falling asleep with her wrapped in his arms.

**ooOoo**

Waking up the next morning, she realized that it really wasn’t true, what they said about sex. Yes, the next morning she was quite sore, but there was absolutely no difference in how she looked at Ray. Sex should not change the nature of a relationship, and even if it did, there should never be any regrets.

And Jenna knew she had no regrets. What had happened between her and Ray the night before had been wonderful and exciting, if not a little frightening at the same time. He’d cleaned her up, held her and cuddled her close afterward, wrapping her in the blanket.

Looking over at him, she smiled. No, she had no regrets of giving him her virginity; never mind that they weren’t married. If there was one thing she’d learned in the ten years that she’d known him, it was that there was no shame in giving in to one’s hedonistic urges.

She sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, and turned to see that Ray was still sleeping peacefully. Hopefully she wouldn’t wake him from moving so much. Carefully, she rolled out of bed, wrapped herself in a towel, and went into the bathroom.

She closed the door as silently as she could, turned on the bathroom light, and looked at herself in the mirror.

She’d been told years before that you were supposed to look different after you’ve had sex, but really, she didn’t see it. Her hair was still brown, her eyes were still blue, her arms and legs were still the same length, and her breast still had that hideous scar across it.

But he hasn’t seen it, and even when he’d touched her breasts, he hadn’t said anything. If he’d noticed anything, surely he would have, wouldn’t he? All he’d told her was that she was perfect, and he’d been gentle and patient with her, answering all her asinine questions and waiting until she told him he could move. Even when he was inside her, she felt complete, as though she were part of him.

Her hand traveled downward, checking. Yes, she was sore, but it wasn’t that bad anymore, just… there, although she was sure that the care he’d given her with the washcloth had something to do with it. In any case, she’d been raised with the belief that you should never be ashamed of your body. If you had wider hips or a little bit of a tummy or even a scar across your breast, that was the body you were given and it’s yours to cherish. Being ashamed does nothing but diminish just how beautiful you are. Masturbation had never been a taboo subject in their house either. She’d known where babies came from as soon as she’d been able to understand words. With her mother being a midwife in addition to having the farm, she’d come along on many different occasions, sometimes helping with the births themselves. As such, she now realized that her family had a very healthy view of sex and sexuality, and could sometimes even hear her voice, saying ‘do it three times a day if you have to, I do not want my babies having babies yet’. Truth be told she’d never really indulged, and she’d never thought to ask her brother Sean if he did, but that wasn’t her business and a thoroughly unappetizing thought.

But she wasn’t thinking about birth or giving birth right at that very moment. She dropped the towel and placed her hands on her breasts, cupping them underneath and feeling the weight of the flesh in her own hands. They were soft, and rounded… not at all how she’d thought of them at first. Even the scar didn’t seem to bother her anymore. Running her fingers over it, she realized that it wasn’t even bumpy; it was smooth and white, barely noticeable unless you knew where to look. When her own fingers brushed over her nipples, she could feel them hardening under her touch, resisting the urge to pinch them and see if she could enjoy the sensation on her own.

She worked her way down her body, sliding her hands down her sides and over her ribs to her hips, squeezing gently. The little extra weight she was convinced she carried there had seemed to vanish… she couldn’t even see it in the mirror. From her hips she moved to the cleft between her legs again, but this time she spread her legs apart a little further to give herself more balance.

Doing something she’d never done before, she slipped her own two fingers inside and marveled at the sensation. She gasped and stared at herself in the mirror, realizing how wet she’d become in the short time she’d been in the bathroom. Very slowly, she massaged flesh she’d only touched once or twice, gauging her reaction in the mirror over the sink. She moved her fingers in and out, trying to duplicate the motion Ray had used the night before, and, very slowly, felt that same pressure beginning to mount in her belly. It was almost a tugging sensation behind her navel, the same coil of heat building again.  Truthfully she couldn’t hear anything beyond her heart pounding in her ears, working up the courage to go faster, her other hand gripping the sink for balance.

And then it happened again, the coil of heat burst, and she felt herself tightening around her fingers, not twice but three times. She felt her legs give out as her body convulsed in absolute pleasure, the entire rest of the world be damned.

**ooOoo**

When she emerged from the bathroom, Ray was sitting in bed, waiting for her. She was so content she didn’t even realize that she’d come back into the bedroom completely naked, and without the towel she’d left the room in. His hair was tussled, and he had sleepy eyes having just woken up, but damn if he wasn’t the most handsome man she’d ever laid eyes on.

Climbing back into bed and settling down again, he smiled as he pulled her close.

“Good morning,” he said simply, as though he hadn’t heard her in the bathroom, which happened to be right across from the bedroom.

“It’s a very good morning,” she answered, kissing his chest, braver than she’d ever felt before.

He chuckled softly. “You’re not hurting too bad, I hope?”

“No not really,” she danced her fingers down his torso and under the blanket, reaching for him.

His eyes bulged slightly.

“Be careful there Miss Collins,” he growled low in his throat, all the while rolling gently on top of her. “If you continue with that you’ll be on your back all day.”

“Is that a promise?” she reached up and kissed him.

He grinned devilishly.

**ooOoo**

They made love three more times that morning, and twice more that afternoon, stopping only when they realized that the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. Once they’d eaten, they lay together silently, listening to the sounds of their breathing and taking in the afterglow.

“My God…” Jenna whispered, enjoying the feel of cool air across her breasts. “I'm never leaving this room again…”

“Be careful what you wish for,” he grinned, leaning over and kissing her neck.

“No regrets whatsoever,” she insisted, shivering at his touch. 

“Good,” he absentmindedly picked up a strand of her hair, ran his fingers through it. “Hey, uh, what about tomorrow?”

Jenna sat up in bed. “What?”

“We’ve still got to go to work tomorrow,” he reminded her. “No one knows the nature of our relationship, given that… well, I guess we’re not really a couple.”

“No, very true,” Jenna agreed. “Unless…”

“Unless what?” Ray asked.

“If I told you that I wanted to be with you, not just for sex but because I wanted an actual relationship, what would you say?”

Ray bit his lip. “That you’re still riding high on the fact that you just had hot sex, and what you’re feeling is good and normal, but we should still just be friends.”

Well, she hadn’t expected to hear _that_.

“You mean it?”

“Of course I do,” he answered. “Not just because I’ve now well and truly fucked you into the mattress. I know, crude but effective. We’re still friends, and if anything, we should take it slow, see how it develops.”

Needless to say it was the first time she’d ever heard someone tell her that. This was different, this was interesting. She understood now that Robbie Campbell had just wanted to use her, to hold power over her head. She’d had a few dates since coming back to Chicago and moving in with Ray, but they didn’t get past the first date. And when they’d gotten a little too pushy, she’d threatened to mace them if they didn’t stop. Soon after that, she had decided that she’d wait until she was ready, age be damned.

“So, where do we go from here?” he asked, interrupting her thoughts.

“Well…” she smiled at him. “I suppose we could just enjoy life, enjoy each other, no one need know if we don’t say anything.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“I agree,” she burrowed under the blankets. “Being with you has been amazing, Ray, and I’m not just saying that because I have no basis for comparison, it truly was amazing.”

**ooOoo**

He had the good sense to tell her she was incredible and beautiful, and it was true. Even if she didn’t quite know what she was doing, there was no handbook on sex, at least not one that made any sense. It was a natural, biological function, and if your brain told you to touch there, you did. If you felt as though you needed to do that there, then you did. But, was that really all she had been reduced to? Sex as a simple biological need? He certainly hoped not.

“No, it’s just all new to me,” she told him. “Ray, it’s just been such a whirlwind, and I couldn’t have asked for a more patient partner. You didn’t have to do that, you didn’t have to make love to me simply because I asked you to.”

There was nothing he could say in response to that. He was thrilled she was so happy, and was glad she understood his thoughts on their relationship. But, there was that one little thing…

“Jenna, in the bathroom, were you doing what I think you were doing?”

She grinned devilishly. “Depends on what you think I was doing.” Then it dawned on her. “Did you hear me in there?”

“I did,” he answered, proceeding to explain that he was in no way eavesdropping, not when the bedroom door had been left open. And in all honesty it had taken every ounce of willpower he had to not get out of bed and stand at the bathroom door, just to see her reaction.

Now that she thought about it, she wouldn’t have minded.  She had actually pictured her hands as his, and suddenly wondered what it would have been like to have him stand behind her and guide her movements. She didn’t need him to do it, but she would have liked it.

“I didn’t wake you up?”

“No, I was awake when you first started moving,” he answered. “That isn’t to say I wasn’t intrigued by what I was hearing. I thought you said you were a virgin.”

“That part was true,” she admitted. “I didn’t say I didn’t masturbate. After all, sex and masturbation were never a taboo subject in our house, but even if my parents didn’t care… well they did care if I was out every night inviting strange men to my bed, which I was _not_ doing, thank you very much, I didn’t indulge very often.”

Ray’s brows furrowed. “Why not?”

“I was too scared.”

“Scared to give yourself pleasure?”

She nodded. Even now, when she’d just shared herself with someone she knew, and that someone had been wonderful, she still felt the need to curl up and pretend this wasn’t happening. She’d heard all sorts of contradictory things about sex that had her head spinning.

She’d been told by the old biddies in church that women weren’t supposed to enjoy sex, just to lie back and think of England, or words to that effect. Wrong. Most enjoyable activity she’d ever participated in. She’d been told that she’d had to give up her virginity because someone had said so. Wrong again. She was happy she’d waited till she’d met the right man, never mind that she was twenty- seven years old and he was just her friend. Even if she had all the knowledge her mother had afforded her, she still thought it quite extraordinary that she’d never indulged in an activity that was supposed to satisfy you. Perhaps it was because she still felt ashamed?

After the incident with Robbie, she had come to believe that it was her fault, and swore she’d never let anyone touch her again. Even when she’d told her uncle (who had then exacted revenge and gotten the guy arrested and charged), she’d hung on to him for dear life, fearing that if she didn’t, she’d die. He’d never blamed her, and neither had her own mother, because they knew it was not her fault, they just couldn’t convince her of that same fact. It was not her fault, she realized now, and she had nothing to be ashamed of.

She almost couldn’t believe it had taken a young police officer, who had opened his home and his life to her, and taken her to bed to convince her that she was beautiful, and worthy.

Yes, Ray Kowalski had definitely done something to her, and she was relishing in it.

And, she thought to herself as she turned over and kissed him again, if this is what she had to look forward to being in Ray’s bed, she might just stay there.  


End file.
